Hebrews 4:14-16 Seeing then that we have a great High Priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. 15 For we do not have a High Priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but was in all points tempted as we are, yet without sin. 16 Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need.
Help is on the way
I write these words to you as a weak man. Surely there have been times in my life where I had convinced myself that I was strong, but time and experience has taught me the error in those beliefs. The words of the apostle Paul written to the church at Corinth seem quite relevant for the moment I, along with many of you may find yourselves in. He said “We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down but not destroyed.” (2 Cor. 4-8-10)
Moment of Transparency:
My name is Brian Michael Williams, I am 28 years old, a single man, and a church planter. For the past 5 years I’ve been in full time ministry. I’ve been a campus ministry leader, a youth pastor, itinerant evangelist, and I’ve even traveled the world as a missionary prior to becoming the founder and lead pastor of Hope City House of Prayer in Columbus, OH. I’ve been to England, Spain, Kenya, Tanzania, Mexico, as well as multiple trips to Taiwan and India preaching to thousands of people. I have a podcast of my sermons which have been downloaded nearly 100,000 times, I have over 10,000 followers on twitter, over 5,000 Facebook friends (the limit), I’ve preached in prisons, jungles, mountaintops, local churches ranging from methodist, baptist, lutheran, presbyterian, pentecostal, non-denominational, I’ve written articles for the largest Christian magazines in the world, I’ve been on the radio, TV, spoken at large conferences, you name it… as far as ministry goes I’ve probably “been there and done that”. I’ve seen thousands of people saved, cast out demons, seen people healed before my very eyes of terminal illness, seen blind eyes open, deaf ears open, limbs grow back, aids victims cured through the blood of Christ, paralyzed body parts regain movement… I’ve also been greatly persecuted for the gospel. Here in the USA I was on the verge of prison sentence for rescuing a young girl who I had baptized in a secret location, upon finding out her muslim parents threatened to kill her, I was led by The Lord to step in and save her… after nearly 2 years of having the governor of Ohio, Florida, and the county prosecutors threaten and pursue charges against me, through the prayers of the church I was finally granted freedom. Once in India, while conducting evangelistic crusades, a group of radical militant Hindus came into one of my services were miracles were happening, unbeknownst to me, they had been sent there as spies with intentions of doing me harm and having me kicked out of the country… through the power of the Holy Spirit they were saved that night, renounced Hinduism and became followers of Christ. I’ve laid my hands on children in Africa, Taiwan, India, and all over the USA I’ve seen them weep, and be filled with the Holy Spirit with the evidence of speaking in tongues…. In addition to these things, I planted a church in the inner city of Columbus, OH which in 2 years has outgrown 2 facilities with thousands upon thousands of people coming from all over the city, state, and region just to pray with us. It’s all been super-naturally funded and we’ve never had a financial burden…
So what’s my point? Some of you reading may think that I’m bragging… others may be thinking how could a person such as “Pastor Brian” feel “weak”? Well here’s the point… Again, looking at the Apostle Paul in Philippians 3 we find words of encouragement and sobriety “Whatever things were gain to me I now count them loss for Christ, what is more, I consider everything loss in exchange for the excellency of the knowledge of The Lord Jesus Christ, for whose sake I have lost all things, I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ, and be found by Him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law (works), but that which is through faith in Christ… that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of His sufferings, becoming like Him in death, as somehow attaining to the resurrection from the dead” ( Phil 3:7-11)
Paul, had the greatest resume of his day and is by many considered the greatest New Testament minister other than Christ. His writings have shaped the entire world, His ministry impact is incalculable… yet this mighty man “Boasted in His weakness” and considered “All things which were gain, as a loss”. Recently I’ve been relating to Paul quite a bit. In terms of ministry success I have it all, but there’s an ache in my soul that wants only Jesus. The things I’ve been enabled and graced to do are certainly important, but my dear friends nothing can replace intimacy with Jesus. For the past 6-7 years I have had the appearance of “strong” to the outside world, though my preaching, writing, and lifestyle tell a much different story. Often do I weep in the pulpit, often do I realize my inadequacy, and often do I want to quit. There have been catastrophic failures in my life prior to and during my walk with Christ. The love of this world has pulled firmly on my heart, the lust of the eyes, the lust of the flesh had done their best to win my affection. I’ve preached many things that I myself felt I didn’t live up to, I’ve challenged others to do things I myself, felt incapable of… I’ve attempted at living a holy, integral, and honest life.. yet I have failed from time to time. In the early days of failure, I would spend long days in despair. After punishing myself with a fast or another radical act of devotion to Christ, I would regain confidence and press on… little did I know I was a slave to religion. Eventually I would stumble again, and again, earn my way back into good standing… little did I know that I was placing faith not in the blood of Jesus but in my own good works. The deception creeps in when we as preachers believe that because God has used us that he approves of what we believe. Often what we believe in the reality of our own lives is so very different than what we preach to others. I’ve learned the hard way. Over the past few years I’ve wrestled with so much condemnation, guilt, and heart ache. I’ve cried myself to sleep, I’ve felt lower than the dirt I was standing on, and I’ve been on the verge of a breakdown many times, yet I practiced the preacher perfect smile. I knew how to answer everyone when asked “How are you?” instantly, “I’m blessed”… sinking further into deception.
When did it change? Well I would have to say it honestly didn’t change until recent months… I began to realize for perhaps the first time, the reality of the blood of Jesus, the reality of unconditional love, and the reality of holiness. Holiness is not abstinence from sin but the purging out of the desire to sin. I also truly received heart knowledge of the unconditional love of God, though I’ve been preaching this with tears for many years. It’s amazing how we can give people the advice we ourselves need most.
My current struggle: To be even more honest, I still currently struggle with so many things. I often want to give up, I often feel selfish, prideful, and like I’m wasting my time. I do endure a lot of disrespect, dishonor, and lack of appreciation, but as you’ve probably heard it said before “Life is 10% about what happens to you and 90% how you respond”. I have responded wrongly to much of the pain I’ve endured at the hands of the people closest to me, the people in the church I pastor, and last but certainly not least, myself… I fight each day for strength to go on. I have moments of joy unspeakable and often just a few hours later spiritual war against depression. I once thought that this was abnormal. People told me I needed a hobby, a wife, a life outside of church, a vacation etc… but what I’ve come to realize is that I, along with you, we all need Jesus. He is the ultimate source of satisfaction. Nothing in this world can compare to knowing Him. The apostle Paul understood this, as did the writer of Hebrews. In prayer, The Lord whispered to me a phrase that forever changed my life, it was as if He said to me “I understand, I am here for you, and we can get through this, I’ll be for you, when you feel weak, then my strength will be yours”. I began weeping this past Sunday as these words from The Lord warmed my spirit, sitting at the gas station for nearly 30 minutes with a soaking wet heart and face. I felt I needed to just get out of the city, clear my mind, so I filled my tank, with no idea where I would go… just overwhelmed. Don’t you just love how when you feel you’ve had about all you can take… there is God! When we come to the end of our rope, we’ve come to the beginning of His mercy.
Hebrews 4:16 says “Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need.”
For anyone who may be reading this and you feel overwhelmed by life… please know that you can call upon Jesus. He’s not only sympathetic, but empathetic. Sympathy says “I see what you’re going through” Empathy says “I’ve been through what you’re going through” and in Christ we have a High Priest who is not only sympathetic but empathetic. He sees us and He’s with us. We can therefore come to His throne with confident boldness and find help in our time of need.
A special word to single people: As a single man I want to “single” out those of us who are not married. At times it is very difficult to see Christ as sufficient to fill the void in our lives for companionship but I testify He’s more than able. I am going to be married one day soon, if it is God’s will, but I have never felt shortchanged as a single man and neither should you as a single man or woman. In moments when my emotions needed comfort, there was the Holy Spirit as my comforter. In moments when my flesh was “burning” with desire for intimacy, there was the Holy Spirit as my mind regulator and strength… and in those taboo moments that nobody in the church likes to talk about, when my flesh got the best of me and allowed unclean thoughts to fill my mind, there was the Holy Spirit convicting me, leading me to repentance and godly sorrow, yet never leaving me without hope in the blood of my redeemer. I write these words to encourage you, that though we feel as though there is no hope at times, we serve the God of all hope.
I conclude with the words of the Apostle Peter and my very own promise to pray for you and request your prayers for me.
– Pastor Brian M. Williams, a regular guy who serves an extraordinary God.
1 Peter 5:6 ‘Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. 7 Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. 8 Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. 9 Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings. 10 And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. 11 To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen.’
Perfect Love: Overcoming Insecurity
December 15, 2013 | by Brian M. Williams | Scripture: Romans 8:14-17
“For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, these are sons of God.” – Romans 8:14
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